


softly now, my love

by untakenbeepun



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Mild Angst with a happy ending, Peter and Juno talk about FRP, one mention of past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 15:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17707088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untakenbeepun/pseuds/untakenbeepun
Summary: Peter does Juno's make up, and they have a conversation.





	softly now, my love

It was easier to look into Peter’s eyes when he wasn’t looking straight back at him. 

Having Peter this close made Juno’s heart thrum. It was a constant rhythm in his chest, pounding away, desperate to be free.  

When Peter had grabbed his wrist and informed him that he was going to dress up for their next heist whether he liked it or not, Juno had done everything he could to get out of it.

And when that hadn’t worked, he’d resorted to hiding in the bathroom closet.

...Juno had never pretended to have any dignity, anyway.

“Juno,” Peter said, his tongue clicking against his teeth as he opened the cupboard door to find Juno scrunched up inside, “this is getting childish.”

There wasn’t an escape. Juno had no choice but to sit down, cross-legged on the floor, in close proximity to Peter Nureyev.

Peter’s hand was pressed against Juno’s cheek, his tongue poking out as he traced a line of eyeliner around Juno’s one good eye. Every time he moved slightly, brushed a finger against his cheek or adjusted his hand to a better position, Juno’s breath hitched.

It was difficult enough being in close quarters with the man he’d... well, with the man he’d left behind. Being close enough to gaze right into the galaxies in Peter Nureyev’s eyes was enough to make him feel a little faint.

But it was easier being this close when Peter was occupied trying to make Juno look pretty, his eyes focused on something else. It gave Juno a chance to study him, to look at all the lines and edges that made up this wonderful man that he’d lost his chance with.

“How can you do it?” he asked, before his brain caught up with his mouth.

Peter stilled. “Do what?”

“How can you be this close after I—” Juno’s mouth felt suddenly dry. He swallowed. “After what I did to you?”

Peter’s eyes flickered to meet Juno’s, and Juno had to look away. 

This was the first time either of them had acknowledged what happened that night.

“Juno, I—” Peter began.

“Wait, can you just—” Juno gestured towards the make-up bag— “keep going? It’s easier if you’re... occupied.”

Peter stared at him for a moment, lips pressing together in an expression Juno wished he knew how to read.

“Alright,” he said eventually, reaching for the foundation pot.

It was easier to think with Peter gently smoothing goop onto his cheeks. It grounded him, gave him something to focus on instead of the heavy weight in Peter’s eyes.

“How can you do it?” Juno asked again. “How can you even look at me?”

There was a shift in Peter’s breathing. Juno kept his eyes steady on Peter’s collarbone. 

“I suppose because...” Peter said, his voice halting a little as he kept swiping foundation onto Juno’s face, “...you must have had your reasons for leaving.”

“That’s it? That’s _all_?”

The hand on Juno’s face stilled. “What more do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Juno said, his voice rising. “Scream. Shout. Get angry. I hurt you. I left you to wake up in an empty room alone. Why aren’t you _angry_?”

“I’m not going to scream at you, Juno.”

“ _Why not?_ ” His voice was broken now, desperate and hysterical. “I just need you to do _something_. I need you to be anything but this blank mask right now.”

The brush Peter was holding clattered to the floor. Both hands slid around Juno’s face, cupping his chin.

“Juno, look at me.”

“No.”

He kept his eyes fixed on the floor.

“Juno, look at me,” Peter repeated. “ _Please.”_

It was only the crack in Peter’s voice that made Juno’s eyes slide back to meet his face.

“I won’t pretend that I’m not hurt by what happened,” Peter said. “I gave you my trust. My name. You knew what those meant for me, and you left anyway.”

“Nureyev, I’m so—”

Peter slid a finger down to cover Juno’s lips. “I’m not finished,” he said. “A conversation, Juno. That was all that was needed. Just to let me know what you were thinking.”

“I know, I should have—”

Peter covered his lips again and sighed. “But,” he said, “it wasn’t just you. I – I made you feel like it was either, or. Either we’d traverse the stars, or you’d never get to see me again. But, Juno—” he let out a long breath— “It didn’t have to be either, or. There could have been a compromise. A conversation.”

Juno swallowed. He eyed the make-up bag again. “Carry on,” he said.

“What?”

“The make-up. Keep going.”

The bag rustled, and then Peter’s hands were on him again and Juno could breathe easy.

“We could have it now,” Juno said. “The conversation.”

Peter’s hands froze for a moment, and then kept going. “Alright.”

There was a long silence.

“So...” Juno said. “How do we do that?”

Peter let out a breath that was half a laugh, half a scoff. “You’re the one that wanted to have this conversation!”

“I know, I just—” Juno let out a long sigh. “I’m just. Not very good at this. Most of the ‘conversations’ I had in my old relationships ended with them kicking my teeth in.”

Peter’s free hand curled, and when Juno dared a look at his face, he saw _something_ flash across his expression.

“I would never hurt you, Juno,” Peter said, gravely. “No matter how angry I was at you.”

“I know,” Juno said. “I was just trying to explain why I’m not very good at this. I’ve never really done this before.”

“Perhaps I can make it easier for you,” Peter said, “and you should know that you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Juno said nothing, he just pressed his lips together.

“Why did you leave?” Peter asked.

There was a long silence. Peter kept brushing make-up onto Juno’s face. Juno’s fingers found their way to curl around Peter’s arm.

“It’s hard to explain.”

“We’ve got all the time in the world.”

“I just...” Juno said, his voice trailing away as he tried to find the right words. “I kept looking at you, lying there, asleep and perfect and thinking about myself, and about how I should have died back in Miasma’s tomb, about how I was _supposed_ to die—”

“You weren’t,” Peter said, shortly. “ _Ever.”_

“Please, just, this hard for me, okay? Please let me get this out.”

Peter nodded a wordless apology.

“I felt the weight of my mistakes. I _couldn’t_ leave Hyperion City. I had to stay and do something to fix what I’d done wrong, to make up for the people I’d hurt. I had to do something to make it all worth it. And I kept looking down at you, and thinking about how I didn’t deserve to leave with you. After all I’d done, I couldn’t just let myself run off with you. And I couldn’t drag you down with me either,” Juno said, the weight of his words hanging in the air. “It wouldn’t have been fair.”

Juno stopped talking. Peter’s hands had fallen away from his face. 

“Juno,” Peter whispered. “I—”

Juno put a finger over Peter’s mouth. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. There’s a lot I need to do. There are things I need to do for myself. Things I need to work out.”

“Juno, what I said to you, back in that hotel room,” Peter said. “I meant every word. I still do.”

Something rose in Juno’s chest. Something like hope.

But then he took a breath. “Peter, there’s so much I need to work on, not just for you. For me. And it’s going to take me a while, because God knows there are so many things wrong with my head I don’t know how to deal with them all, but I need to work on them. I need to get better. And I couldn’t make you deal with that.”

Peter looked him in the eye, his expression thoughtful for a moment. His fingers threaded through Juno’s, bringing his hand up to press against his chest.

“Juno, if this is something that you need to work on by yourself, I’ll respect that,” he said. “But, there’s no reason that you should have to do alone. And you should know, I’m all in. For whatever you want me to be. For whatever you need me to be.”

There was a long pause. Juno was caught in Peter’s eyes, lost and struck and almost hypnotised. There was something soft in Peter’s features, something that was wholly Peter Nureyev, nothing like any of his aliases.

His hand was rested on Peter’s heart, thumping in a rhythm with Juno’s, and all at once Juno knew that Peter meant it, and there was a rush of something through his veins, something like love. Something like trust.

And then, because Juno couldn’t possibly hold it back any longer, he leaned forward and kissed Peter fast, his hands slipping up Peter’s arms and curling into his hair. It only took a millisecond for Peter to respond, his hands curling around Juno’s waist, pulling him into his lap and holding him in his arms like he belonged there. 

Warmth coursed through Juno, one hand curling into Peter’s shirt and clutching on for dear life, like somehow, he could pull himself closer.

He’d never be close enough.

Their lips parted just for a moment, the pair breathless and gasping. 

Peter’s cheeks were flushed, eyes twinkling like stars.

“Oh, darling,” he said, brushing a feather light thumb across Juno’s lips. “You’ve smudged your lipstick.”

**Author's Note:**

> i realise now that foundation should probably happen before eyeliner idk i never wear make up i'm sorry
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [bee-elzebub](https://bee-ezlebub.tumblr.com/) and on twitter at [@untakenbeepun](https://twitter.com/untakenbeepun)


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